Saturday, March 23, 2019

o death


it sticks to my skin
gauzy decay

i turn to curtains in my sleep

awake like the plague,
pale and stumbling
mumbling the last words I last heard in my dreams

like it would spirit into a being

I tangle standing up,
a ghost wrapped in sheets
murmurs- murmuring


there's a clockface in the sky
I watch it tick by
the crowd seated in my mind is
always trying to be quiet,
but never quite gets it right

I'd shush them if I could but
I am too polite

polite is not the word for it

I learned to wait and watch before I learned how to scream

I tangle standing up
a ghost wrapped in sheets

in bed with the plague

i turn to curtains in my sleep

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

thine own self be true

I met myself again today,
seems to only happen around this time of year
when the air begins to hold warmth once again
when the creatures, cautious, raise their heads

These meetings are never joyful,
nor are they filled with grief

just heavy, with all the lies we have told only each other
heavy like how the humidity
cloaks both our slouched shoulders in the dark

we watch each other in silence for a while,
unsure of what to say- whether there is anything that needs to be said

a withering sigh
two dark-haired bowed heads

I grab her hand
we both collapse into the grass

"I am so tired of you."

"I know."

"I saw you in my dreams."

"I know, I was there."

"Have you been scared?"

"Often."

"Are we going to be alright?"

"Possibly."

"Why do we have to be here?"



"We just do."

I drag my thumb over the soft skin
it is cold and pale and shining

"Do you love me?"

"Enough to stay."

"What if I don't want you to stay?"

"We both know that you do."

lips twitch into smiles
twin mouths full of words that mean nothing
nothing- nothing like skin and dark green eyes and a melancholic disposition
nothing like ideas and thoughts and life and emotions
nothing like love and death and the earth and language

nothing tastes of spring breezes

the sky is filled with a few stars
I can spot orion easily now
as it is written in freckles on my thigh

I look back to her
touch her face as she fades away with the rising sun







"I'll be here."

Saturday, March 2, 2019

rhine

my shadow becomes larger
than myself

a dark bird with wings spread out
swept across the concrete

I can almost see the empty space that hides between
my foot and the ground
disconnected from the dirt I am
on a fishing line

it has a crown wrapped around its beak
even this creation
is pollution to the birds
it dies of starvation

laid out on the front deck
turned so small, so small
by death

 I am

on a fishing line

that runs deep beneath the earth
threading through different lives
stitching together memories of dreams

where everyone was blind


there's no reason to be afraid
of anyone
or anywhere
but the end of everything

I know this and I am still
terrified of
the fishing line that runs
deep beneath the earth

that forces my feet forward

step by step by step

Monday, February 25, 2019

operation delirium

snow shifts,
the sky is haze

with adoring eyes
they blew smoke in the cages
in the faces of the few still awake

it's all ruins now

mother stands holding the black curtains closed
holding back the sun
that shines overhead


or is that a fluorescent bulb?

Friday, February 8, 2019

TV commercial aired suspiciously early in the morning

HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM DEMONS
Inner and outer demons edition 


Do you have a case of demons? Do figures from hell haunt both your sleeping and waking dreams?  Are you sometimes incapable of falling asleep because they are standing in the dark, staring into your soul?

Look no further, friends! For I have developed several different methods to scare those pesky demons away! All have been tested by professional demons and are proven to work at least 60% of the time!

For the small price of 60 payments of 11.1 dollars, you can have the entire list and the rights to use any of them!

As a limited-time special, I will air a few fool-proof anti-demon strategies, but beware, unless you buy the entire list, you have no rights to use them and if you do,

We will find you and We will sue.



Anti-demon warfare tactic #1

Two words. Christmas lights. Everyone knows that demons are only afraid of two things, bright lights and poor taste.

If you put Christmas lights in your room, be assured that any demons on your trail will realize what an uncultured and irredeemable human you must be to think Christmas lights are a decoration for inside your house.

Demons do not have time for people who think Christmas lights make their bedroom atmospheric. They will evacuate immediately, as they clearly have bigger fish to fry than you.

Pros: pretty shiny colors ooo

Con: you are officially a loser


Anti-demon Warfare Tactic #2

Let your superstitious catholic-raised dad buy you some sort of... what is that? I don't know, it has Mary on it? and beads? Whatever, it doesn't matter.

What does matter, is that the demons probably don't like it. I think. That's what he said, anyway. Just do it.

Let your dad hang it on your doorknob, feel safer already?

Pro: Dad feels appreciated

Con: you are officially this kind of person now. You can never invite anyone over again.


Anti-demon Warfare Tactic #3

Get over it. They're not real. It's just your anxiety acting up, and you're being a weird idiot. Name ONE time you've been personally (physically) attacked by a demon.

Can't, can you?
or at least you can't remember


Pro: Dad is proud of you for finally learning how to suck it up

Con: THEY'RE STILL WATCHING YOU. YOU CAN FEEL THEIR BREATH ON YOUR NECK WHILE YOU SLEEP. YOU CAN FEEL THEIR EYES ON YOUR BACK. THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS ARE ONLY SLIGHTLY HELPING 
BECAUSE AT LEAST WHEN THEY KILL YOU, YOU'LL DIE IN MULTICOLORED LIGHTING 



[ foreboding jingle ] call 666-666-we will take your soul as you sleep this is not a joke this is not a joke this is not  a joke

sea

our minds see
forbidden things
that haunt you
a little,

don't they?

if the ceiling knew
your secrets would you
take a sledgehammer to it

and sleep underneath the sky
let the rain soak your sheets
wake up wet

undine


Saturday, February 2, 2019

masquerade

the mask was the creation of an amateur inventor

who would later claim he crafted it in a matter of hours

it was a simple black mask
made of plastic
it covered the entire face, except
for small slits where the nostrils and eyes would be

It was intended for the ugly, and the afraid
anyone who could not bear the gaze of others
who did not want to be known

It was a surprise, then,
when everyone wanted one

soon there were factories in the inventor's name
all mass-producing the black mask

the world noticed
a spike in both kindness and cruelty
whatever humanity was before the mask
was suddenly, irreparably amplified in anonymity

films, where no one wore masks
were considered extremely obscene
vile, even

not even lovers would remove the mask in one another's company
the masks began manufacturing for children, and infants

It has been years since I've removed my own
it is as much my skin as my own skin
more my face than my own face is
my eyes, never changing, stare out from behind the slits

like cold lanterns trapped behind bars

I remove it slowly,
with shaking fingers
curling them under the plastic
expecting- what?
what was I expecting? I can't remember


Friday, January 18, 2019

lever

It's midnight underground
you can tell by how the soil goes cool in your hands 

the effigy we built 
falls forward slightly, sleeping 


I was next in line to pull the lever 
of the world 


we took turns, the three of us 

one to keep watch from the sky,

one to keep watch from below,

and one to pull the lever 


It was light in my hands, as it always is,
but to pull it back

the toll it takes on your mind 

the toll it takes 


we have kept vigil for so long

I know the others are losing their sanity
if it is not already gone 

I know I am losing my own as well

for how much longer can we keep the wheel turning?

I wonder what all life would think
if the world suddenly

stopped

if everything and everyone suddenly

ceased to be

in theory, the image sounds like true peace
in theory, if that was what we were fighting against
we would have stopped pulling the lever
we would not have sacrificed so much to this machine

we have seen what happens
when all the world stops

the great colossus
the eater of gods

he taunts us each time
with his eyes larger and greater than life itself
his smile like a supermassive black hole


I wish I did not know
that the mind was capable of
comprehending

such enormity


it can

and it hurts


I pull the lever 

Monday, January 14, 2019

Sleepy Sander's Seductive Midnight Ride II

death's younger brother was a greying man of around sixty
always tilted forward as if he was being pulled into the ground

he had little to no physical presence
the man- god, or force, was unremarkable in almost every way possible

except for his voice
it was a confusing voice, like bedrock
like a dwindling fire or old cigarette smoke
something late and crooked and tiring.


sleep and death made a deal a long time ago

before humans had started putting down the first stakes of civilization

sleep got to keep some of the souls that died during dreams


he was a particular man, so he only ever chose one or two every decade
mostly honest, hardworking folk that he trusted to help run his errands on Earth

even rarer were the ones he chose simply because he had wanted them

death was always a bit irritated at those.
his brother never did appreciate sentimentality

his latest soul was a young girl of about fifteen
she did not fit any of the criteria of the usual souls that interested him

he would justify it to his brother by saying she'd be useful,
that she could disarm those that are destined to face the reaper
could lead them gently to their fate

but the truth was she wasn't necessary,
and she wasn't useful because she was too kind

he just liked her
liked to talk to her

liked to see the current state of the world through her eyes that had not dimmed even in death

which was a strange thing indeed for a suicide

the radio was her idea
so was the name


Sunday, December 23, 2018

carapace

How to Hide
as taught by a beetle


Step one:
find a rock

Step two:
dig a hole under the rock

Step three:
hide in the hole under the rock

Step four:
use all your strength to inch the rock back over the hole



as taught by a house-spider

Step one:
find a corner (preferably in the basement if available)

Step two:
stay very very still

Step three:
continue step two for as long as you possibly can

repeat as needed



Unfortunately,
if you are reading this
then you are probably a human
if you aren't report to the foundation immediately

and though these tactics are infallible, they are not of any use

as our brains are much too loud to stay perfectly still for days at a time

and our need for oxygen too great to stay underneath a rock in the earth



so, using my findings, I devised a new set of steps;

How to Hide
as taught by a human


Step one:
find a set of clothes in the style of the place you reside in
make sure they are neither too tight nor too loose

Step two:
stare into the mirror until you forge a polite smile
do it often enough to ingrain it into your muscle memory
use it reflexively throughout the day

Step three:
Hellohowareyouiamfineyou? iamtiredsamemetoo


IN CASE OF IMMINENT UPRISING OR APOCALYPSE, 
TO ENSURE SURVIVAL YOU MUST 

GROW A CARAPACE

LIVE IN SHADOW

KILL FOR FOOD